Comedy: Dick Diaries

Hows it going hows it going, nice crowd tonight.
Im gonna keep the material light, keep it funny tonight, nothing too mature or dirty. Alright alright.
So have you noticed how most nouns we use to describe how cool something is does not work for describing a penis?
Lets start off with the easy ones.
-My dick is HOT!
-ey man I dont need to know you got crabs or something

-My dick is DOPE!
-So what, you got like a limp dick? It's white and powdery? Crack heads love it?

-nah nigga my dick is the shit!
-so like, did you not clean up after anal or... are you implying your penis is an actual literal piece of frozen turd. Cause like, the shape works, ill give you that but... its a bit unsanitary.

-No no b, My dick is off, tha, chain.
-What the hell?! What kind of fetishist are you motherfucker?

-nah homes, my dick is off tha hook!
-the fuck did I just say

-ey man, My dick is tight!
Hey man, what, like your foreskin?
Nah man, like my dick is tight butthole!
K im done.
No no that was me, im done with that segment of the set. Off to something a bit more, classy.
Now the slang you CAN use to describe your dick boys, is this. And ladies, my beautiful ladies, dont think ive forgotten the vagina. Y'all can use any of the above and your guy will like it, hot, dope, rad, off the hook, mad, tight butthole.

so yeah, guys, dont use descriptive nouns, use adjectives plus something.
My dick is mad thick, my dick is bare long, my dick is wicked huge. See?
I should start a show or something, just call it "Reading Dickbro"